Who would have ever thought the anxiety I’ve been feeling lately is linked to fitness? My previous routine comprised of a hot bath before bed, a cup of hot tea then 8 solid hours of sleep before starting a brand new day. I was ready to start the day with high energy levels and enough energy to run 10kms any given morning. Fast forward to the present day and all that has been turned upside down.
Life in Zimbabwe is NOT for the timid. I’ve since stopped taking a hot bath because I can’t heat my water using electricity. (Because we hardly have it) We have “load shedding” going on for the past few months so simple luxuries like taking a hot bath are no more. Taking a cold bath is your next best option or wiping the “essentials” is an option when push comes to shove. Using very expensive gas to heat your water isn’t an option. The plan is to save as much as you can and not go around burning money. There are so many other things happening in the country that are probably adding to my anxiety but not having electricity is certainly tops for me.
1. Losing My Mojo
It’s not easy to psyche yourself each morning when there’s no electricity. I’m used to listening to a good podcast, watching an inspirational YouTube channel, reading a good book to feed my soul, clocking in a home workout video or cleaning my room before the day starts. How the heck do you do that in the dark? It’s frustrating, to say the least. I can’t even enjoy blogging because my laptop won’t have power and I don’t have access to WiFi when there’s no electricity. Also, have you seen the data prices in Zimbabwe? It’s now become a luxury to be online. Getting out of bed in the morning has become a task because you aren’t even mentally prepared for the fresh horrors a new day will bring. With every turn I find myself defeated and couldn’t even take part in the fitness challenge I set up for September.
2. Screw The Challenge
Two weekends I took part in an event which left me pretty upset. You can read all about it here. I host fitness challenges every month and this month the challenge was to run 4 X 21km within the month at your own pace. Guess who only managed to complete 1? I’m completely ashamed of myself because this is the first time I’ve done this. I’m always such a cheerleader but this month I simply couldn’t do it. My mind was in a very dark space.
3. Officially An Alcoholic
While in the pursuit of fitness I’ve turned into an alcoholic. I think I’ve been drinking almost everyday for the past two months. I can explain myself. I get home to no electricity and no one to talk to. What else am I supposed to do with myself? I think keeping alcohol in the house isn’t such a grand idea as well. So you want to know what I did last weekend? I drank all of it and now the house is alcohol free. Will I restock anytime soon? I doubt it very much. I intend to use my money for other useful things.
Last Friday I remember tweeting that I had pains in the chest and I was having difficulty breathing. I explained this to my friend who helped me realise that I was actually having an anxiety attack. What the heck? I really need to leave Zimbabwe already! Anyone willing to adopt me?
What else has been killing my motivation?
- lack of concentration
- excessive worry
- negative self talk
Tell you what, I just need to get back to my fit self. My last run was on the 14th of September and I’ve done nothing exercise related. Please send HELP to reassure me I’m not alone.